so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
