could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
