So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
