Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
