very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
