If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
