this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
