So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
