i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
