Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
