Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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