Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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