hotel room ftw
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
