I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
