he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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