We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
