Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
