I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
