do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize