she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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