It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
