U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
