No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
