Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
