is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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