Tell her she can't have a vagina
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
