What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
