Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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