I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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