we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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