as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
