I love black thongs
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
