I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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