I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
