super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize