Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
