She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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