Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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