i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize