I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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