Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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