I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
