so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hippo gnu deer
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize