Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
