ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
