"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
