I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
