it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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