This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
