Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
