Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's the barista slut.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
