shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
