sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
