i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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