I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
