The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize