you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
