I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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