I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
