so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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