shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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