One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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