It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
