Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
