I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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