i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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