apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
