I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
