i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
