Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
