So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
