my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
