BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
