Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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