finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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