i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
