eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
