shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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