Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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